I’ve been praying that God would give me the words to write on this blog.
The words that inspire creativity, the words that pierce the soul and ask for more, the words that bring us closer to God in our pursuit for Him. And I’ve been reading – other blogs, other authors, the Bible – looking for inspiration. I’ve even subscribed to TEDtalks, with all the other 50 year olds of the world, to find writing topics.
And I’ve come up blank.
So far, kbowl.wordpress.com has traveled with me through failing big, succeeding big, exploring the inner-most parts of myself, my crazy-impossible dreams – all to way to where I find myself now. A married, twenty-something, home-owner looking for the next adventure of my life.
My prayers about this blog really fell silent. I wasn’t hearing anything from God on the direction that my writing should go next. Which led me to a mini-quarter-life-crisis, involving me telling myself that I’ll never make it as a writer, no one will ever want to read anything I have to write & essentially that my mind has become mush after getting married.
So naturally I complain to my husband about this – going on a serious rant about my mushy brain and lack of writing, and how I’ll never make it big.
To which he replies – “well, do you think the intention God wants you to have is “to make it big.” And he did the air quotes.
Nothing infuriates me more than when my husband is right. And in this case – he is profoundly right.
So at first this sent me spiraling into an even bigger rant – mocking the use of air quotes and pouting. And once I’d worked that out of my system, I started to really dig into the intentions of my heart – and what God was trying to teach me through my husband’s comment.
“A person may think their own ways are right,
but the Lord weighs the heart.”
– Proverbs 21:2
I was so caught up into where MY writing would take ME.
God sees the intention of our hearts. And he tells our husbands.
And if that wasn’t enough, I read this scripture the next night in my current bible study of Thessalonians.
“On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts.”
– 1 Thessalonians 2:4
The Thessalonians were a people who always looked outward – they were not driven by their own intentions, their own gains or other people – they were driven and approved by God, nothing else. And when God alone is our motive, the spirit intercedes for us, according to God’s will. (Romans 8:27).
Can we be trusted with clear intentions in our deepest heart of hearts? God tests us from the inside out. And when we’re ready, he’ll entrust us with more.
In this season of my life, I’m learning to allow God to determine my life and intercede in all the places where I am lacking.